The Mistress of My Dreams (I Condemn Myself) -an original poem

Peacefully I sleep and rest until she comes again,
(She always manages to.)
To disturb the peace I’ve cultivated
In the life I’ve separated from the acts of my past.
The guilt of my deeds haunts me
When she comes to serve notice.
“Have you come again, my dear mistress
To haunt and disturb?”
Yet this dove of innocence and love
Remains unmoved by my interrogation:
“YOU HAVE BROKEN PAROLE”
In stillness I do quake:
“Oh, Siren of my dreams, will there ever come a day when I am no longer in your service?”
A leaflet (the sentence of days gone by), old and dry,
With many bends and creases, tears and burns, falls gracefully upon me
As I lay resting (unrested) upon my bed:
“For corruption of innocence: 5 years.
For running: 5 years.”
And I weep,
Weep the tears of unsaving sorrow,
Dejection I only knew when I left her.
“Leave me be, sweet lady, my love.
I have moved on to be disturbed no more by my vow,
My hope against hope.
Five years I gave you, and five promised
Keep me bound in despair.
Release me from my oath
And we both may enjoy peace!

Dear Mother, will I ever be free or
Must I from night to night see this pure
And innocent face marred from the scars of my own hands?
Will your daughter ever be free from my memory
Or I from my guilt?”
My decade is not yet over.
My vow to love and to hurt remains.


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